Top Ten Moves Pope Francis, the First, Will Not Make Any Time Soon

By Lolo Bobby M. Reyes of Sorsogon City, Philippines, and West Covina, CA, U.S.A.

I mmediately after the papal conclave at the Vatican chose Jorge Mario Cardinal Bergoglio as the new Pope, he selected Francis I as his papal name, the first-ever Jesuit pontiff. Nearly at the same time, National Federation of Filipino-American Associations (NaFFAA) Chairman Eduardo Navarra posted on my Facebook Wall and he asked if I had already done any new exercise of papal humor. I told Chairman Navarra that it was still too early, as Pope Francis I would only be inaugurated on Tuesday, March 19th.

However, my contact in the Vatican just sent me the top ten (10) moves that the Holy Father will NOT (emphasis supplied) make in his first year in office. My contact is an aging prelate and I call him "Monsignor Deaf Throat," as his sense of hearing is that bad. I assured, however, the good monsignor that my friends, family and I will pray for Pope Francis I's success, especially in instituting reforms in the Roman Catholic Church.

Here are the ten moves that Pope Francis I will probably NOT make anytime soon:

1.0  Legalize "gay marriage." But perhaps the Pope may consider using "Gayriage," the term that this writer coined for such as a civil union?

2.0  Order all cardinals and bishops to sell their luxury motor vehicles, even if the new Pope used to ride the bus in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Despite Pope Francis I believing also in the lesson found in my parable, http://www.mabuhayradio.com/parables/the-parable-of-the-mercedes-benz?

3.0  Permit women to be ordained as priests. But perhaps he may allow nuns in the future to become deacons (deaconesses)?

4.0   Permit gay priests to become nuns even if they undergo sex change.

5.0  Ask all Catholics to become experts of the Argentine Tango.

6.0  Replace the "fattened calf" in the "Prodigal Son" parable with Argentine corned beef.

7.0  Begin the canonization process of Argentine soccer superstar Diego Maradona, who is called the "Hand of God."

8.0 Declare "Don't Cry for me Argentina," as the new official Vatican theme song.

9.0 Ask all prelates and nuns, except those who have physical or mental incapacity, to cook their own meals or prepare their own drinks, just as then Cardinal Bergoglio used to do in Buenos Aires. And

10.0 Persuade the European Union to rename itself as the New Holy Roman Empire. # # #